Start a conversation about suicide
Learn how to create a safe and open environment for a young person to speak about mental health and suicide.
Ask how they are
Talking to a young person about mental health and suicide is one of the most helpful, preventative measures we can take to look after them. It’s a misconception that talking about suicide and mental health makes things worse. Research shows that talking about suicide stops suicide. And the earlier you do it the better - it can help them to really get to grips with their emotions, learn to articulate their feelings, find coping mechanisms - and, crucially, ask for help when they need it.
If a young person is at immediate risk of harm or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E.
The NHS is clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
What you can do to help
Ask questions and show interest
Start the conversation gently and with something general. Try something like, "how are things going with you at the moment?"
It might help to refer to things that are going on in their life, "how’s things with your exams?", "how’s it going at work?". Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
“Lots more people are talking about mental health. What do you think about that?”
"What do you think about when you hear the term 'mental health'? What does it mean to you?"
"How have you been feeling lately?"
Try to listen more than you talk - it’s not a lecture
A great tip is to try to say about half of what you planned to. A conversation should be just as influenced by the young person as it is by you.
If you’ve gone through a similar situation it’s only natural to want to give advice. But this can do the opposite of what you want it to. It can turn a young person away from you. Of course, it’s fine to show understanding and recognition.
Something like, "I've been through something similar and it was really tough". But avoid launching into a monologue or advice session.
Be patient and allow them to share in their own way
Young people can feel overwhelmed by the prospect of a ‘big chat’. If you think that might be happening, offer other ways to communicate. This might be asking them to write down how they’re feeling or even using a messaging app like WhatsApp. You could also approach the chat differently. Maybe go on a walk, play a Playstation game or anything you can enjoy together.
Explore how they’re feeling and help them put it into words
Prompting and asking questions can help a young person to gain new perspective, approach their situation differently or to simply just think of things they hadn’t before. And it’ll help you to understand what’s going on and how you can help. Plus, putting feelings into words can help young people manage and regulate those emotions and reduce their intensity, making them easier to cope with.
Try to avoid these things
Don't have the conversation when emotions are running high
It won’t be productive, and may put the young person off talking to you in the future. Wait until things are calmer.
Don’t push them to say more than they want to
Pushing young people to open up can damage your long term relationship and your ability to meaningfully support them. If you know a young person isn’t opening up to you, give them other options. This might be in the form of other ways to communicate, or other people or helplines to reach out to. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
"It looks like you’re not up for talking right now, which I totally understand, but know I am always here as someone to chat things through with."
"Looks like you don’t want to talk right now, is there another time that might work better for you, or would you prefer to message?"
"I get it if you don’t want to talk to me about these things. Is there someone else you’d prefer to talk to? I could suggest someone, or get you some info about helplines?"
Don’t promise to fix something when you can’t
Instead, let them know that you will work together to help them feel better. They need to know they’re not alone in this and you are by their side.
Don’t be scared to ask about suicide
Talking about suicide stops suicide. If you are worried someone is suicidal, ask direct questions - something like "are you feeling suicidal?", or "have you thought about ending your life?".
We know that people who’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts feel intense relief when the pressure to talk about suicide is taken off of their shoulders. While saying those words can feel scary, it can make a life-saving difference. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
Let’s debrief together
We know that was a lot to absorb. We’d like to encourage you to try a conversation this week. Make it simple and follow these two steps. Reread whenever you need to.
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Copy one of the examples on this page to your phone to start a conversation
- Make a time to check-in and ask a question