Support a young person who’s struggling
Learn how to reach in and support a young person safely and effectively.
Check-in
Checking in is as much about you as it is the young person. It’s your opportunity to get to grips with the situation a young person is facing and identify what support they need. It’s all about setting up your conversation in a positive way, providing time and space for a young person to really share, so you can begin to work towards a positive outcome together.
If a young person is at immediate risk of harm or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E.
The NHS is clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
What you can do to help
Find a quiet time and space
One way to make a conversation easier is to do something together like a walk or drive. Whatever and however you do it, set aside time to prioritise the chat and minimise distractions.
Create an opportunity to talk
Let them know that you’re worried about them and would like to talk about what they’re going through. If you’ve got a concern, it’s important to raise it and find out more. A good way to start a conversation is to recognise the feeling or situation they are in.
Stay calm and open to really listening
Hearing what a young person is going through can bring up lots of emotions like worry, fear, maybe even anger and disbelief. It’s common to want to rush in to comfort and solve the situation. But what’s important here is giving a young person space to open up and speak freely. Listening in a calm and supportive way is hugely reassuring for young people.
Assess where your young person is
Is their reaction proportionate to their situation? It's natural for young people to feel a certain degree of stress and discomfort when faced with difficult situations, decisions and challenges. If what they're facing feels proportionate to their experience, focus on helping them to manage what they’re struggling with.
But if you’re noticing more sustained, long-term patterns, or an inability to cope with what they’re going through, you’ll want to find more routes to support and potentially escalate the situation to a wider network of support and professional help.
Try to avoid these things
Don’t wait for them to come to you
It might never happen. Waiting for a young person to reach out can feel like the right thing to do - especially if you don’t want to appear intrusive or pushy. But a young person is likely to wait until they feel unable to cope before reaching out to an adult.
Don’t stop trying even if it’s difficult
They may brush you off, avoid the conversation or even find you embarrassing. It’s important to keep trying, especially when you know they’re struggling. Your check-in is the first step in figuring out what support a young person needs. It's a time to ask questions and encourage them to tell you about what they’re facing and feeling.
Don’t leave them alone if they are in danger
If they share things that show you they are in danger of harming themselves or others, stay with them and get support. You can find out how to do this on our emergency page.
Fill your Toolkit
Whatever and however you do it, set aside time to prioritise the chat and minimise distractions.
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Anxiety? Try the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise together
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Bereavement? The CALM site has loads of help and advice to support you
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Stressed? Spend 15 mins going for a walk and clearing your head