Support a young person who’s struggling
Learn how to reach in and support a young person safely and effectively.
Ask how they are
It's very common for young people to feel like they're not listened to or understood. Often this is because they haven't been able to articulate their emotions and thoughts effectively - even if they have tried to share what they’re going through. Asking them directly about what they're facing, and helping to put what they're feeling into words is a great first step in helping them feel better.
Our brains’ natural reaction when faced with an issue is to try and solve it, but sometimes young people don’t want us to solve their problems. They just want to be seen and understood and supported to get through it themselves. And you can only do that by asking and talking things through.
If a young person is at immediate risk of harm or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E.
The NHS is clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
What you can do to help
Show concern, not accusation
Begin by expressing your concern in a non-judgmental way. Use 'I' statements to share your worries, like "I've noticed you're upset", or "I am worried about you".
It can be helpful to be specific. This helps young people to open up as they don't have to breach a difficult topic. Mention specific behaviours or changes that have made you worried. It shows you notice them and are genuinely concerned rather than just being intrusive. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
Ask about mental health and suicide
It won’t make things worse. It’s a misconception that talking about suicide and mental health makes things worse. People often believe that mentioning suicide could put the idea in someone’s head, but that’s not true. Research shows that talking about suicide stops suicide. It is one of the best preventative steps you can take to help protect young people.
Open up the conversation and explore the situation
If you’ve noticed they’re struggling or don’t seem like their usual self, it’s important to share what you have noticed. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
"I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself, can you tell me what’s going on?"
"Is there anything worrying you because you seem a bit low? I know it might feel hard to talk about but I am here for you."
Check for suicidal thoughts
If they mention feeling hopeless, or trapped, or mention that things will not get better, ask directly if they are thinking about suicide. It’s a difficult but necessary question.
Be direct - you can ask “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Have you had suicidal thoughts?”
If a young person shares something that's troubling them, you could try: "Sometimes when people are struggling they have thoughts of suicide. Do you feel like that?"
We know that people who’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts feel intense relief when the pressure to talk about it is taken off their shoulders. While saying those words can feel scary, it can make a life-saving difference. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
Try to avoid these things
Don't under-react or overreact
Stay calm, even if what they share is concerning. Overreacting can cause them to shut down or become defensive. It also gives them the impression that you can’t manage their struggles, which may make them worry even more about what is going on.
Don't jump to solutions
Don't immediately try to solve their issues or talk them out of how they are feeling. Trying to distract them, cheer them up, or saying things like "I’m sure you’ll be able to sort it out" can give the message that you can’t cope with what they’re going through or don’t want to help.
Don't ask why or criticise
Sometimes we try and help by finding fault with the young person, because if we can find something they are doing ‘wrong’ then it’s easier to fix. This way of looking at things can damage the trust between you both. Understand that the young person has been doing their best with what they have available to them. Praise them for that and help them find a way forward. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
Don’t underestimate their emotions
A young person has come to you because they’re feeling strongly about something. Big feelings can be destabilising, and take a huge toll on a young person’s wellbeing. You can minimise this distress by taking them seriously, validating their emotions, and finding a way forward together. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
Let’s debrief together
We know that was a lot to absorb. We’d like to encourage you to try a conversation this week. Make it simple and follow these two steps. Reread whenever you need to.
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Copy one of the examples on this page to your phone to start a conversation
- Make a time to check-in and ask a question