Respond to suicidal thoughts
Learn what to do and how to react if a young person opens up about suicidal thoughts or self harm.
Remain with them and remove anything harmful
Whether your young person has a suicide plan or is having suicidal thoughts and feelings, it is important to stay with them until the crisis has passed.
Make sure you remove access to anything they could hurt themselves with. If you don't feel you can keep them safe, or the situation is getting worse, get help straight away by calling 999, or taking them to A&E. Go here for more information & guidance.
If they are not at immediate risk, follow our steps to support them.
If a young person is at immediate risk of harm or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E.
The NHS is clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
What you can do to help
Try to find out what’s been going on
It’s essential that you prioritise their immediate safety and save finding out the details until things are more settled. However, knowing something about what’s going on can help address things.
When asking questions, avoid sounding accusatory or critical of their behaviour or feelings. Avoid any question that begins with ‘why’. Listen to the audio clip for more guidance on how to do this.
"Can you tell me a bit more about what’s been happening that's led to you feel this way?"
"Can you talk me through what has happened and how it's made you feel?"
“Take your time and tell me what’s happening for you at the moment.”
“I am so sorry you’re feeling like this. Can you tell me more about what’s going on for you?”
"Do you have a sense of what has brought you to this place / to feel this way?”
Ask what support would help them
Put power in their hands by asking what support they would like. Explore options for professional support and next steps. You can make a plan together. Make sure you help them access any support that would be helpful, and show that you care and that they're not alone.
"How can I help you stay safe?"
"Often when people feel as you do it's helpful to speak to professionals, can I help you to do that?"
“I’m glad you told me about this. I care about you – let's talk about what to do next because you deserve to feel better.”
"I’m not an expert, but I’m here for you and I can find the help we need."
Help them focus on getting through this moment
Help them get through the immediate feelings they're having. The strongest part of a suicidal urge can pass, often in 20-60 minutes. That doesn’t mean they won’t need support once the urge passes, but it does mean that they might be in a better state to talk through how to stay safe and find help.
Stay involved and continue to check in
Check-in with them regularly and offer help - even when the crisis has passed. Show interest in their wellbeing and the progress of their situation.
Get involved in helping them address any issues that contributed to their suicidal thoughts so that things can improve.
Help them stay away from drugs, alcohol, or risky situations, and encourage healthy habits like exercise, a balanced diet, good sleep, and activities they enjoy.
Create a safety plan with them.
Create a safety plan using our template. This means you will have an agreed plan for what to do if the feelings and thoughts return.
Try to avoid these things
Don’t try to fix things
As a trusted adult who cares about a young person, it's natural you'll want to try and fix things for them. Hold back. Use that energy to stay calm and let them talk. They will need time and space to feel safe in talking through how they are feeling.
Don’t avoid the pain they are in
Just being there in the moment, taking them seriously and helping them put their thoughts into words will show that you care and that you are a safe person for them to turn to.
Young people usually know that their situation can’t easily be fixed, if it was they would have done that already. Being able to acknowledge their pain is reassuring. They will feel seen and validated, which can reduce their sense of being overwhelmed and alone.
"I can see you are feeling really sad / scared / lonely / hopeless. Those are really hard feelings to cope with. I might not be able to make you feel better right away, but I’m here, you’re not alone in this."
"You are not alone in this. Many people go through tough times, and there is help available."
Don't do nothing
This is the most important thing. Don't ignore the situation and hope it goes away. By letting you know they are suicidal they are telling you things have become too much. They need immediate and ongoing support.
Don’t take it personally
If they get upset, critical or lash out - don't take it to heart. See it for what it is, a result of what they are going through. Remember, often a young person only lashes out to those they feel safest with.
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