Respond to suicidal thoughts
Learn what to do and how to react if a young person opens up about suicidal thoughts or self harm.
Ask if they are feeling suicidal
Talking to a young person about suicide can be difficult. But you don’t have to be an expert to make a difference. Starting the conversation is one of the most important things you can do to help a young person start feeling better.
Asking directly about suicide shows that you care. Sometimes young people find it hard to put how they’re feeling into words. By starting the conversation, you’ll help take the load and reduce any shame or embarrassment they feel.
Talking about suicide helps stop suicide. You won’t put the idea in their head. If you are worried, ask directly. It can bring a real sense of relief, and will start the process of taking action together.
If a young person is at immediate risk of harm or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E.
The NHS is clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
What you can do to help
Find a private space and express your concerns
Privacy is essential to make a young person feel safe to express their feelings. Begin the conversation by sharing your concern.
"I can see you’re not ok, I'm worried about you, I care about you, and I’m here to help."
"It seems to me that something serious is going on and you’re not ok. I’d like to help, so could we talk about it / you tell me what is going on?"
Ask directly
It's crucial to ask direct questions about suicide. Use the word suicide. Be clear and direct by asking questions that require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer so that there is no confusion. Practice asking first if this helps you feel more confident.
Ask if they have intentions to act on their suicidal thoughts and feelings. Say something like: "You’ve said you are feeling suicidal, do you have a plan to act on these feelings?" If yes, go to our emergency page for what to do next.
"Are you thinking about suicide?"
“Sometimes, when people are feeling the way you are they think about suicide. Is that what you’re thinking about?”
“Are you telling me you want to kill yourself / end your life / die / die by suicide?”
“It sounds like you’re thinking about suicide, is that right?”
“It sounds like life feels too hard for you right now and you want to kill yourself, is that right?”
Listen closely and validate their feelings
Let them talk without interrupting. Show that you are listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and reflecting back what they say. Acknowledge their emotions without judgement.
"It sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed."
’You’re telling me you don’t see the point anymore, is that right?’
"I can see that you're really hurting."
"It's okay to feel this way, and I'm here to help you through it."
"It makes sense that you are struggling, given what you're going through."
"Things are hard right now."
“Things must be so painful for you to feel like there is no way out. I am here to listen and help.”
Provide reassurance and commitment to help
It’s important to let them know things can get better and that you are there to help. Thank them for being honest and open and encourage them to always speak up when they're struggling or if they feel at risk of acting on suicidal thoughts. These kinds of open conversations help to keep young people safe.
"I'm really glad you told me about this."
"I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m here for you and we’ll get through this together."
"Let’s talk about what might help and maybe think about speaking with a professional who can give us more support.”
“There is hope. There is help available and we can find it together.”
Try to avoid these things
Don’t leave them to manage this on their own
Suicidal thoughts can be fleeting and they can also continue for some time. Supporting someone when they are feeling suicidal is the best way to make sure things don’t get worse. Ask if they have felt like this before, and what helped then, or what they would like you to do to help keep them safe. It might be doing something distracting or it might be talking about how they feel. Stay with them until they feel better or you have found more support.
Don’t say this...
"You’re not thinking of hurting yourself are you?"
"You’re not thinking of doing something daft like killing yourself are you?’’
Because in the questions you are saying that it is not ok to admit to these thoughts and feelings. This could deter them from telling the truth and encourage them to reassure you instead.
Don’t forget to agree a plan of action
Make a plan to help them stay safe. You can download a Safety Plan on this page to help you identify what steps to take.
Let’s debrief together
We know that was a lot to absorb. We’d like to encourage you to try a conversation this week. Make it simple and follow these two steps. Reread whenever you need to.
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Copy one of the examples on this page to your phone to start a conversation
- Make a time to check-in and ask a question