Crisis
I want to know what to do if a young person is suicidal
Use the C.A.R.E. Kit to support them
Talking to young people about suicidal thoughts can feel difficult but it's the best way to keep them safe. Talking about suicide won't put the idea in their head. It will create an opportunity for them to be honest about what's going on.
Suicidal thoughts are more common than you may think. 1 in 5 adults will experience them in their lifetime, and having them does not mean someone will go on to take their own life - especially if the right help is available.
If a young person speaks to you about ending their life, always take them seriously - never ignore or underestimate someone - and never dismiss them as ‘attention seeking’.
If a young person is at immediate risk of harm, contact emergency services. Find out more about how to get help in an emergency here.
If a young person is at immediate risk of harm or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E.
The NHS is clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
Check in
If a young person has opened up about suicide, or you’re noticing behaviour that is worrying, it’s vital to take action to keep them safe.
Check in with them as soon as possible. Get in touch with parents, carers or other relevant caregivers and share your concerns.
There is a difference between suicidal thoughts and actions, and it’s important to find out exactly what your young person is going through so you can offer the right support.
Suicidal thoughts may include talk about hopelessness, worthlessness, being a burden or wishing they didn’t exist. The thoughts might range in intensity, they may be fleeting or they may come and go.
It’s important to establish whether a young person has plans to act on suicidal thoughts. If they do, take immediate steps to keep them safe. Find out how here.
When someone is planning to act, they may express their thoughts more persistently, with a sense of urgency or determination. They are more likely to have a specific plan, including the method, time, or place they intend to carry it out and they may also have taken steps to prepare, like writing a note or acquiring items.
Once you are sure a young person is safe from immediate harm, take steps to keep them safe.
Do
You may not feel it inside, but seeing you react calmly can help create a sense of stability and safety for a young person.
Make sure they get the support they need. This might be from family or from professionals.
If a young person has plans to act on suicidal thoughts get immediate support. Go here for more information on what to do in a crisis.
Even if they're not planning to act on their thoughts, they need support to cope. Don't leave until you are sure they are safe.
Remove any potential means of self-harm, such as medication, sharp objects etc.
Contact emergency services or take them to the nearest A&E if you can’t keep them safe or de-escalate the situation.
Ensure they're in a safe location at home or with responsible guardians.
If they are alone, go to them or make sure somebody else is available to step in and help.
Don't
If something is wrong, make sure you take the lead and get the young person the help they need.
You may be the first person to have noticed something is up, or the only person equipped with the knowledge to help.
"You’re not thinking of hurting yourself are you?"
"You’re not thinking of doing something daft like killing yourself are you?’’
These statements suggest it's not ok to have suicidal thoughts.
They could deter someone from opening up and encourage them to pretend things are fine.
What they're facing is really difficult and suicidal thoughts and feelings are always serious.
Validate how they're feeling and let them know you are there to help.
Ask if they are feeling suicidal
Talking to a young person about suicide can be difficult. But you don’t have to be an expert to make a difference. Starting the conversation is one of the most important things you can do to help a young person start feeling better.
Asking directly about suicide shows that you care. Sometimes young people find it hard to put how they’re feeling into words. By starting the conversation, you’ll help take the load and reduce any shame or embarrassment they feel.
Talking about suicide helps stop suicide. You won’t put the idea in their head. If you are worried, ask directly. It can bring a real sense of relief, and will start the process of taking action together.
Do
Privacy is essential to make a young person feel safe to express their feelings.
Begin the conversation by sharing your concern using statements like:
"I can see you’re not ok, I'm worried about you, I care about you, and I’m here to help."
"It seems to me that something serious is going on and you’re not ok. I’d like to help, so could we talk about it / you tell me what is going on?"
It's crucial to ask direct questions about suicide. Use the word suicide. Be clear and direct by asking questions that require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer so that there is no confusion.
Practice asking first if this helps you feel more confident.
Here are some things you could say:
"Are you thinking about suicide?"
“Sometimes, when people are feeling the way you are they think about suicide. Is that what you’re thinking about?”
“Are you telling me you want to kill yourself / end your life / die / die by suicide?”
“It sounds like you’re thinking about suicide, is that right?”
“It sounds like life feels too hard for you right now and you want to kill yourself, is that right?”
Ask if they have intentions to act on their suicidal thoughts and feelings. Say something like:
"You’ve said you are feeling suicidal, do you have a plan to act on these feelings?" If yes, go here for what to do next.
Let them talk without interrupting. Show that you are listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and reflecting back what they say.
For example:
"It sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed."
‘’You’re telling me you don’t see the point anymore, is that right?’
Acknowledge their emotions without judgement. Use statements like:
"I can see that you're really hurting."
"It's okay to feel this way, and I'm here to help you through it."
"It makes sense that you are struggling, given what you're going through."
"Things are hard right now."
“Things must be so painful for you to feel like there is no way out. I am here to listen and help.”
It’s important to let them know things can get better and that you are there to help.
You might say:
"I'm really glad you told me about this."
"I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m here for you and we’ll get through this together."
"Let’s talk about what might help and maybe think about speaking with a professional who can give us more support.”
“There is hope. There is help available and we can find it together.”
Thank them for being honest and open and encourage them to always speak up when they're struggling or if they feel at risk of acting on suicidal thoughts. These kinds of open conversations help to keep young people safe.
Don't
Suicidal thoughts can be fleeting and they can also continue for some time. Supporting someone when they are feeling suicidal is the best way to make sure things don’t get worse.
Ask if they have felt like this before, and what helped then, or what they would like you to do to help keep them safe.
It might be doing something distracting or it might be talking about how they feel. Stay with them until they feel better or you have found more support.
"You’re not thinking of hurting yourself are you?"
"You’re not thinking of doing something daft like killing yourself are you?’’
Because in the questions you are saying that it is not ok to admit to these thoughts and feelings. This could deter them from telling the truth and encourage them to reassure you instead.
Make a plan to help them stay safe. You can download a Safety Plan on this page to help you identify what steps to take.
Remain with them and remove anything harmful
Whether your young person has a suicide plan or is having suicidal thoughts and feelings, it is important to stay with them until the crisis has passed.
Make sure you remove access to anything they could hurt themselves with. If you don't feel you can keep them safe, or the situation is getting worse, get help straight away by calling 999, or taking them to A&E. Go here for more information & guidance.
If they are not at immediate risk, follow our steps to support them.
Do
It’s essential that you prioritise their immediate safety and save finding out the details until things are more settled. However, knowing something about what’s going on can help address things.
When asking questions, avoid sounding accusatory or critical of their behaviour or feelings.
Avoid any question that begins with ‘why’ and instead try things like:
"Can you tell me a bit more about what’s been happening that's led to you feel this way?"
"Can you talk me through what has happened and how it's made you feel?"
“Take your time and tell me what’s happening for you at the moment.”
“I am so sorry you’re feeling like this. Can you tell me more about what’s going on for you?”
"Do you have a sense of what has brought you to this place / to feel this way?”
Put power in their hands by asking what support they would like. Explore options for professional support and next steps. You can make a plan together.
Ask:
"How can I help you stay safe?"
"Often when people feel as you do it's helpful to speak to professionals, can I help you to do that?"
Show that you care and that they're not alone:
“I’m glad you told me about this. I care about you – let's talk about what to do next because you deserve to feel better.”
"I’m not an expert, but I’m here for you and I can find the help we need."
Make sure you help them access any support that would be helpful. Check out our expert support resource here for more information.
Help them get through the immediate feelings they're having. The strongest part of a suicidal urge can pass, often in 20-60 minutes.
That doesn’t mean they won’t need support once the urge passes, but it does mean that they might be in a better state to talk through how to stay safe and find help.
Check-in with them regularly and offer help - even when the crisis has passed. Show interest in their wellbeing and the progress of their situation.
Get involved in helping them address any issues that contributed to their suicidal thoughts so that things can improve.
Help them stay away from drugs, alcohol, or risky situations, and encourage healthy habits like exercise, a balanced diet, good sleep, and activities they enjoy.
Create a safety plan using this template. This means you will have an agreed plan for what to do if the feelings and thoughts return.
Don't
As a trusted adult who cares about a young person, it's natural you'll want to try and fix things for them.
Hold back. Use that energy to stay calm and let them talk. They will need time and space to feel safe in talking through how they are feeling.
Just being there in the moment, taking them seriously and helping them put their thoughts into words will show that you care and that you are a safe person for them to turn to.
Young people usually know that their situation can’t easily be fixed, if it was they would have done that already. Being able to acknowledge their pain is reassuring. They will feel seen and validated, which can reduce their sense of being overwhelmed and alone.
Try saying things like:
"I can see you are feeling really sad / scared / lonely / hopeless. Those are really hard feelings to cope with. I might not be able to make you feel better right away, but I’m here, you’re not alone in this."
"You are not alone in this. Many people go through tough times, and there is help available."
This is the most important thing. Don't ignore the situation and hope it goes away. By letting you know they are suicidal they are telling you things have become too much. They need immediate and ongoing support.
If they get upset, critical or lash out - don't take it to heart.
See it for what it is, a result of what they are going through. Remember, often a young person only lashes out to those they feel safest with.
Expert help
You can't solve everything, you are there to care, support and take action to keep them safe. But you can't do it alone, and you are likely to need professionals like GPs or mental health services to share the load and give specialist advice.
Remember, call 999 or take them to A&E if you are worried that a young person is at immediate risk of harm, has already taken steps, or you cannot keep them safe.
You can also call the NHS on 111 and select option 2 (Mental Health) to access the Mental Health Crisis helpline. This service gives people of all ages, including children and young people, the chance to be listened to by a trained member of staff who can help direct them to the right place,
Also check out:
NHS Mental Health Services website
CALM Support
Specialist Services for Young People: There are several organisations and resources available to support young people who are feeling suicidal. Encourage the young person to reach out to these services. They are staffed by professionals trained to provide support and intervention for those experiencing suicidal thoughts and other mental health issues. Find expert support here.
Do
Even when expert help has been accessed you will still have a role to play in supporting the young person to follow through with the help they are offered.
Let them know that you are there for them, that means for the long haul not just for the crisis or emergency.
Watching a young person go through a mental health crisis can be a very painful experience. There will be times when you need some support too.
Make sure you have people and places to get support for yourself, and make sure you take some time out for things you enjoy.
Learn about depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Understanding what a young person is going through can help you support them better.
Help the young person to connect with helpful friends, family members or support groups. A strong support network can provide additional emotional support in the short and long-term. Make sure you have a support network for yourself too.
Don't
Even when suicidal urges pass things may not be ok. From a psychological perspective, suicidal urges can vary greatly in duration depending on the individual and the underlying factors contributing to the urge.
Typically, intense suicidal urges can last from a few minutes to an hour. Crisis intervention strategies often emphasise that if a person can get through the peak intensity of their suicidal urge, the feeling may diminish.
However, this does not mean that the underlying issues are resolved or that the person is no longer at risk.
The immediate crisis might pass, but ongoing feelings of depression, hopelessness, or suicidal thoughts may persist and require professional treatment and ongoing support.
We all struggle with mental health at times, and 1 in 5 of us will have suicidal thoughts in our lifetime.
Things can get better with the right help and support, and you are doing great by being a trusted adult and supporting a young person towards better health.
We're here to help
We’re Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM), and we’re here for anyone struggling with life.
We’ve got loads of tools and resources to help people find the support they need, including a life-saving helpline. It’s open every day, offering free, anonymous support to anyone affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts. Find out more about all the services CALM offers here.
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