Prevention

One way to make a conversation easier is to do something together like a walk or drive. Whatever and however you do it, set aside time to prioritise the chat and minimise distractions.

A young person needs to know that there’s a reliable time and a space in which you can prioritise them and what they’re going through. Give them your full attention.

Hearing what a young person is going through can bring up lots of emotions like worry, fear, maybe even anger and disbelief. It’s common to want to rush in to comfort and solve the situation. But what’s important here is giving a young person space to open up and speak freely.

Try reassuring them by saying something like: "I care about you and I’m here if you ever want to talk about anything, big or small."

We all want to protect young people from some of the harder aspects of life. But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about them in a safe way. Speaking about a national news story or a celebrity who’s been in a difficult situation is a way to talk about tough topics without instilling fear or worry.

Talking about mental health does not make young people worry more, and talking about suicide does not put the idea into their head. It is one of the best preventative steps you can take.

Don't wait for them to reach out because it might never happen. Waiting for a young person to come to you can feel like the right thing to do - especially if you don’t want to appear intrusive or pushy. But a young person is likely to wait until they feel unable to cope before reaching out to an adult.

Talking about mental health doesn’t need fanfare. It doesn’t need a grand gesture or to come with an agenda invite. Find what works for you - but try not to add too much weight or gravity. If it feels scary or pressurised then a young person is more likely to want to close it down.

They may brush you off, avoid conversation or even find you embarrassing. It’s important to keep trying and creating space to chat and discuss mental health, even if at first it’s not received well.

Say something like: "I know it can feel a bit uncomfortable to have these conversations, but I want you to know I’m here for it."

Start the conversation gently and with something general.

Try something like, "how are things going with you at the moment?"

It might help to refer to things that are going on in their life, "how’s things with your exams?", "how’s it going at work?". Or if you want to steer things you could try: “Lots more people are talking about mental health. What do you think about that?” or "What do you think about when you hear the term 'mental health'? What does it mean to you?" or even more general: "How have you been feeling lately?"

A great tip is to try to say about half of what you planned to. A conversation should be just as influenced by the young person as it is by you.

If you’ve gone through a similar situation it’s only natural to want to give advice. But this can do the opposite of what you want it to. It can turn a young person away from you. Of course, it’s fine to show understanding and recognition.

Something like, "I've been through something similar and it was really tough". But avoid launching into a monologue or advice session.

Young people can feel overwhelmed by the prospect of a ‘big chat’. If you think that might be happening, offer other ways to communicate. This might be asking them to write down how they’re feeling or even using a messaging app like WhatsApp. You could also approach the chat differently. Maybe go on a walk, play a Playstation game or anything you can enjoy together.

Prompting and asking questions can help a young person to gain new perspective, approach their situation differently or to simply just think of things they hadn’t before.

And it’ll help you to understand what’s going on and how you can help. Plus, putting feelings into words can help young people manage and regulate those emotions and reduce their intensity, making them easier to cope with.

It won’t be productive, and may put the young person off talking to you in the future. Wait until things are calmer.

Pushing young people to open up can damage your long term relationship and your ability to meaningfully support them. If you know a young person isn’t opening up to you, give them other options. This might be in the form of other ways to communicate, or other people or helplines to reach out to.

Try saying something like:

"It looks like you’re not up for talking right now, which I totally understand, but know I am always here as someone to chat things through with."

"Looks like you don’t want to talk right now, is there another time that might work better for you, or would you prefer to message?"

"I get it if you don’t want to talk to me about these things. Is there someone else you’d prefer to talk to? I could suggest someone, or get you some info about helplines?"

Instead, let them know that you will work together to help them feel better. They need to know they’re not alone in this and you are by their side.

Talking about suicide stops suicide.

If you are worried someone is suicidal, ask direct questions - as simple as "are you feeling suicidal?", or "have you thought about ending your life?".

We know that people who’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts feel intense relief when the pressure to talk about suicide is taken off of their shoulders. While saying those words can feel scary, it can make a life-saving difference.

Once a young person has opened up and recognised you as someone to trust, make it easy for them to do so in the future.

Give them clear ways and times to reach you.

Check in from your end too. Make sure you don’t leave everything on them.

Ask things like, "how are you doing now, do you fancy a check in?", "how did you get on with XYZ?", "let’s catch up, I’d love to hear how you’re doing" - it doesn’t have to be a big deal, but it does need to be regular and easy.

Even if their worries feel small to you, if something is making a young person feel rubbish or struggle with their mental health, then it’s valid.

Let them know that their feelings are ok. Empathise with their situation and assure them that things can get better.

Ask open questions that show you want to understand:

"What is your biggest worry in life right now?"

"Who would you talk to if you were worried about your mental health?"

"What I can do to help you?"

Young people are facing a whole host of challenges - and some of them won’t be even a little bit familiar to you. It’s fine to say you don’t know and ask questions to help get up to speed.

The key is to be honest and open. Give them space to explain and then offer practical advice to find support together. Young people want to be spoken to as an adult, even if they’re not quite there yet.

Your young person's struggles are individual. It’s not helpful to compare them with siblings, classmates or other young people.

Each and every young person will manage their mental health and the challenges they face differently. Listen to them, ask questions and treat them as an individual - even if you think somebody else is coping better or worse under the same circumstances.

Their personality or persona isn’t a reliable way to decide how they’re doing mentally. Quiet, loud, social, introverted - all young people struggle with their mental health at times, and people can seem ok on the outside and still be really struggling. It’s important to remain connected and ask rather than assume.

If you discover that a young person is at immediate risk of harm, or is not safe, call 999 or take them to A&E. The NHS is very clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one – and that you will not be wasting anyone’s time. Check out our expert support resource on this page for more information.

Professionals like GPs, CALM or mental health experts can take on the weight with you and give more specialist help when it's needed.

Offer practical support and bring in the option of other help by saying things like:

"Would you like to talk to a professional about how you're feeling? I can help you find someone."

"I don’t know much about X, but we can find out more together."

"Have you spoken to anyone else about this, it’d be good to get support from XYZ too."

This way you can create a safety net that ensures a young person always has a space to share - even if that’s not directly to you. And you can support each other too.

If you’re unsure on what to do, contact specialist support services and ask their advice and guidance. CALM’s services are a great place to start if you’re worried about a young person.

A young person's struggles are relative and it's important not to assume that they're ok because another young person is reacting differently to them.

Young people don't expect trusted adults to have all the answers, fix all their problems or be mental health experts. One of the most valuable things you can do is simply to offer to be by their side for the journey.

Young people’s wellbeing is everyone’s responsibility and they deserve whatever support they need to be okay.