Intervention

One way to make a conversation easier is to do something together like a walk or drive. Whatever and however you do it, set aside time to prioritise the chat and minimise distractions.

Let them know that you’re worried about them and would like to talk about what they’re going through.

If you’ve got a concern, it’s important to raise it and find out more. A good way to start a conversation is to recognise the feeling or situation they are in.

Hearing what a young person is going through can bring up lots of emotions like worry, fear, maybe even anger and disbelief. It’s common to want to rush in to comfort and solve the situation. But what’s important here is giving a young person space to open up and speak freely.

Listening in a calm and supportive way is hugely reassuring for young people.

Is their reaction proportionate to their situation? It's natural for young people to feel a certain degree of stress and discomfort when faced with difficult situations, decisions and challenges. If what they're facing feels proportionate to their experience, focus on helping them to manage what they’re struggling with.

But if you’re noticing more sustained, long-term patterns, or an inability to cope with what they’re going through, you’ll want to find more routes to support and potentially escalate the situation to a wider network of support and professional help.

It might never happen. Waiting for a young person to reach out can feel like the right thing to do - especially if you don’t want to appear intrusive or pushy. But a young person is likely to wait until they feel unable to cope before reaching out to an adult.

They may brush you off, avoid the conversation or even find you embarrassing. It’s important to keep trying, especially when you know they’re struggling.

Your check-in is the first step in figuring out what support a young person needs. It's a time to ask questions and encourage them to tell you about what they’re facing and feeling.

If they share things that show you they are in danger of harming themselves or others, stay with them and get support. You can find out how to do this here. 

Begin by expressing your concern in a non-judgmental way.

Use 'I' statements to share your worries, like "I've noticed you're upset", or "I am worried about you".

It can be helpful to be specific. This helps young people to open up as they don't have to breach a difficult topic. 

Mention specific behaviours or changes that have made you worried. It shows you notice them and are genuinely concerned rather than just being intrusive.

It won’t make things worse. It’s a misconception that talking about suicide and mental health makes things worse.

People often believe that mentioning suicide could put the idea in someone’s head, but that’s not true. Research shows that talking about suicide stops suicide. It is one of the best preventative steps you can take to help protect young people.

If you’ve noticed they’re struggling or don’t seem like their usual self, it’s important to share what you have noticed.

Try something like:

"I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself, can you tell me what’s going on?"

"Is there anything worrying you because you seem a bit low? I know it might feel hard to talk about but I am here for you."

If they mention feeling hopeless, or trapped, or mention that things will not get better, ask directly if they are thinking about suicide. It’s a difficult but necessary question. 

Be direct - you can ask “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Have you had suicidal thoughts?”. 

If a young person shares something that's troubling them, you could try: "Sometimes when people are struggling they have thoughts of suicide. Do you feel like that?"

We know that people who’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts feel intense relief when the pressure to talk about it is taken off their shoulders. While saying those words can feel scary, it can make a life-saving difference.

Stay calm, even if what they share is concerning. Overreacting can cause them to shut down or become defensive. It also gives them the impression that you can’t manage their struggles, which may make them worry even more about what is going on.

Don't immediately try to solve their issues or talk them out of how they are feeling. 

Trying to distract them, cheer them up, or saying things like "I’m sure you’ll be able to sort it out" can give the message that you can’t cope with what they’re going through or don’t want to help.

Sometimes we try and help by finding fault with the young person, because if we can find something they are doing ‘wrong’ then it’s easier to fix. 

This way of looking at things can damage the trust between you both.

Understand that the young person has been doing their best with what they have available to them. Praise them for that and help them find a way forward.

A young person has come to you because they’re feeling strongly about something. Big feelings can be destabilising, and take a huge toll on a young person’s wellbeing. You can minimise this distress by taking them seriously, validating their emotions, and finding a way forward together.

You don’t have to have all the answers, but you can help find support together. Young people are facing a whole host of challenges - and some of them won’t be familiar to you. It’s fine to say you don’t know and ask questions to help get up to speed. Find expert support for young people here. 

"Would you like to talk to a professional about how you're feeling? I can help you find someone."

"Have you spoken to anyone else about this, it’d be good to get support from experts too."

"Have you had any thoughts about what might help, or the sort of help you want from me and others?"

The key is to be honest and open. Give them space to explain and then offer practical advice to find support together - whether that’s getting in touch with their GP, finding an organisation online with more information and support, or looking at ways to manage their mental wellbeing.

Trust is important but balance this with the need to intervene if they are in danger. Make it clear that their safety is your top priority and you might need others to help too.

Once a young person has opened up and recognised you as someone to trust, make it easy for them to do so in the future. Let them know you’re always open to talking and give them clear ways to let you know when they need you.

Make sure you don’t leave everything on them. Regularly ask things like:

"How are you doing, do you fancy a check-in?"

"How did you get on with XYZ?’

"Let’s catch up, I’d love to hear how you’re doing."

It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but it does need to be regular and easy for a young person to take you up on.

You need to show that you are committed to being there for them. That means showing you genuinely care by going back to them regularly to see how they are, especially if they are showing you cause for concern.

Changes in a young person’s behaviour are common as they experiment and learn about themselves. They may change their interests or friendships quickly and without much fanfare. While this isn’t a reason to worry, checking in ensures safety and can keep you up to date with what’s going on in a young person’s life. It'll also help you spot when a change is something to be worried about.

If something is wrong, make sure you take the lead and get the young person the help they need.

You may be the first person to have noticed something is up, or the only person equipped with the knowledge to help.

The impact of social media on young people’s mental health is much discussed. Who they follow and what they see can have a big impact on how they see the world, and how they view their own lives and achievements.

While it’s not possible to monitor every aspect of a young person’s online life, make sure you are up to date with how to stay safe online and have shared this information with the young people you spend time with.

There’s so much support out there - you are not on your own. Professionals like GPs, CALM or therapists can take on the weight with you and give more specialist help when it's needed. Find expert help for young people here. 

Check in with adults in their life. This way you can create a safety net that ensures a young person always has a space to share - even if that’s not directly to you. It's also a great way to create a support network for yourself.

From online journaling and mindfulness apps, there’s loads of stuff out there to help your young person to manage their mental wellbeing.

You can also try CALM’s website which has loads of stuff to help explore what they’re facing and find practical steps forward, or use our service directory to explore other specialist organisations.

Stay with a young person if they are at risk of harming themselves or someone else. Remove anything harmful and get emergency help. Find out more about how to get help in an emergency here.

If a young person is struggling and at risk it’s your responsibility to escalate the situation and find help.

While your actions might upset them, your priority is to keep them safe. Be transparent about why you’re seeking more help.

The support that’s out there isn’t just for young people. You can get advice and help on your next steps too. If you’re unsure on what to do, contact specialist support services and ask their advice and guidance.

CALM’s services are a great place to start if you’re worried about a young person.

Supporting a young person who is struggling - especially long term - can be really difficult. Managing work, home and your other responsibilities can really take its toll. Make sure you’ve got a support network around you - whether that’s friends, family or a therapist - to get support and talk about what you’re going through. Find more support for yourself here.